Hey gang it’s been awhile. I’ve been working and traveling up and down and around our fair beautiful state. A quick run down will illustrate my curious summer.
- Most recently, I got a dream gig on a show in the bay area. It’s got me back at home with my folks, but in the proudest way. I’m working most nights, so my social life is nonexistent, but I don’t care too much because my ego makes up for it.
- Serious the ego is at all time levels. Which is weird because a couple months ago
- I almost od’ed turning 23, on a cocktail of self-hate and ridiculous expectations.
- But soon after that I got a great gig and made new friends. And after that this new gig. So why the change in luck?
- Maybe I hit a peak self-doubt, flipping the fortune dial. Or one of the gods made a mistake, thinking I had suffered the requisite amount. Or more ridiculous, that I worked hard enough.
I’ve read that feeling like a fake/cheater is par for the course, but let’s be honest. I’m what Gawker writes about as what’s wrong with the country (I read Gawker though).
But guilty happiness is not without it’s perks. I’ve speculated that my romantic hangups and preoccupations coincide with creative/career downturns, now I’ve got proof. Because of my lack of freetime (at peak hours that is) I’m not so worried about being social. I am only here for a couple months anyway, so there’s not much use in making new friends.
A simplified life might just be what the doctor ordered. At the moment, my day starts with swimming/sauna at the Y, coffee at Java Beach, sparkling water in the backyard, and then work.
In general I’ve been romanticizing the solo dolo life. In the Pacheco Pass, I imagined having a small shack atop a large golden hill looking across the reservoir. In the dream I was living in a dingy room, with a small blanket and a table. Maybe it’s because I’ve always lived for my most immediate pleasure that this way seems most appealing.
Perhaps I need the time to get to know myself (for whatever that means). I started reading The Peregrine, by J.A. Baker and it occurred to me that I would never know anything as much as he knew birds. How could I tell a story if didn’t know anything? It’d just be speaking to hear the sound of my own voice?
So that’s where my heads at. Here are some things.
If you like early 70s Stones, the Faces, the first five Rod Stewart records. Basically if you’re from Le Wrong Generation. Down in Heaven is an earnest and fun rock album.
It’s so odd coming back to this one. Maybe the best last fifteen minutes all time. David Lean is my favorite director (probably). This time he has me sympathize with the sadistic Colonel Saito (a self-hating Anglophile forced into a war by a domineering family). Kwai has got a SERIOUS ensemble to boot.
Little Political Thought
So I hope everybody is voting and paying attention to politics this summer. There’s certain to be an influx of graphs to our Facebook Timelines.It just seems like folks are set in what they think. They search for an auto-play video to demonstrate what they already think with facts. I don’t want to come off as anti-science or anti-stats, but I feel like I got’s to say a little something.
Don’t ignore the moral question.
(But don’t shun all the graphs)
You don’t need to avoid the facts to be concerned about doing the right thing.
Happy summer everyone.
The Life of Joe 